just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
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You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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