So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize