3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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