the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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