The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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