I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
