UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
