It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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