Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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