Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
