At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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