I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
