there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
