Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I pour the whiskey from now on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
