based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
