I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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