I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
