as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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