I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
