Your face is a jimmy john
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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