I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
