We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You can't special order awesome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
