I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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