Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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