Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
