He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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