very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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