1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Soap is not a condiment
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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