This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
