we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
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you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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