I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
