i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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