what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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