If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
what the fuck happened to the tacos
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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