1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I AM VODKA MAN
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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