I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
