Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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