If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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