My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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