The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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