Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
