Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
