look no pants
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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