He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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