winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize