Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
