So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
