I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
try to milk me bitch
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize