I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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