You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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