Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
