now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Its about making memories worth repressing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
