So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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